I have only just realised how anxious and insecure I really am.
I am not just saying that just to be like "oh look how insecure I am, ohh I have anxiety"
I do have anxiety, it is just some times that I feel anxious that is it. I'm insecure and don't know what to do. So I'm gonna write how i feel when i feel it.
Right now i feel insecure and ridiculous. I didn't realise this until last night when I went out to celebrate my birthday! (Whhooo 19!!😘) when we were having pre drinks at one of my friends flat mates wanted to take "selfies" (oh god I hate that word!) and so I agreed and she was like oh yeah that one is good and I was just like really no it isn't. Because to tell the truth I just don't like the way I look! After years of being bullied about the way I look. I have absolutely no self esteem! Years of being put down time and time again well that is what happens. It took me a few drinks and a game of never have I ever to loosen up a bit. Telling people that aren't really friends that in fact I had only just met one of them, secrets that I have only told 5 people, one of them being my best friend and my 4 friends from uni (Yep a grand total of 4) I realised that there is nothing to be scared of. People that aren't petite, just like myself just go all out and wear the tightest clothes that make them look worse then me. Yet they are possibly so pissed that they don't reall care. And yet I am there being all awkward and feeling stupid.
I learned that you just need to be yourself and not care and be better than you think you are. Even if at times people judge you just ignore them and carry on. I need to listen to my own words and do it. But being bullied really kills all motivation .
To start doing this I am going to share this on my Twitter for my huge 246 followers to see I will be amazed if any one sees this but some one will.
Lucie, taking her own advice. 😘
